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Ep 18 | Life Unburdened: Decluttering Homes and Hearts with Michelle Konson

We sit down with Trinity parent and Founder and Lifestyle Mentor at Life Unburdened LLC, Michelle Konson. As both a Christian and professional organizer, Michelle finds deep meaning and value in helping others to live unburdened by clutter, both in their homes and in their hearts. In this episode, she teaches us about what it means to live unburdened, gives us practical lifestyle tips, and helps us to understand the power of letting go.   

It's more about what's on the inside and what's created the mess than actually just making the mess look better... Until you deal with that, you can't actually effectively deal with the stuff, which is really just an outworking of what's going on inside.

Michelle Konson

     

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I cannot tell you the joy of going into people's houses and making a real difference. Not just making it look good, but getting the text a couple of weeks later to say, “I had a doctor's appointment and my blood pressure was so much lower,”

Michelle Konson

Transcript

 

Disclaimer: This is a direct transcript of the podcast audio and may not be grammatically correct.

 

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Intro 

Welcome to “Mind and Heart,” a podcast by Trinity Christian School in Fairfax, Virginia. In this space, we explore our calling to raise up the next generation to be salt and light in the world.  

Jo Wilbur:

Hello, and Welcome to “Mind and Heart,” a podcast by Trinity Christian School. I'm your host, Jo Wilbur, and today I'm sitting down with Trinity parent and Founder and Lifestyle Mentor at Life Unburdened LLC, Michelle Konson. As both a Christian and professional organizer, Michelle finds deep meaning and value in helping others to live unburdened by clutter, both in their houses and in their hearts. In today's episode, she will teach us about what it means to live unburdened, give us practical lifestyle tips, and help us to understand the power of letting go. Michelle, thank you so much for being here today.  

Michelle Konson:  

Jo, you're welcome. Glad to be here and happy to share a few of my thoughts and discoveries.  

Jo Wilbur:

Excellent. I am so excited for this conversation because Lord knows I need help with this more than anyone else. I'm not an organized person, so I'm so excited. Before we get into some of those questions, can you start by just telling us a little bit about yourself and what your life looks like right now?  

Michelle Konson:  

Yeah, absolutely. So, I grew up in South Africa, as you probably can tell from the accent.  

Jo Wilbur:

A beautiful accent. We love it.  

Michelle Konson:  

Ah, well, thank you. I grew up in Johannesburg and went to college in Cape Town, did a business undergrad, went to law school, met my husband at the University of Cape Town. We got married during law school. I went back to Johannesburg to work and then came over to the U.S. about 22 years ago for him to go to business school. And that's when we had our first daughter, Chloe, who is 22 now.  

Jo Wilbur:

And engaged, Correct.  

Michelle Konson:  

And engaged! Correct. Yeah. Thank you. And we have a son named Luke, and he is 20, and I have Kiera, who is a senior at Trinity, getting ready to head off to college in the fall. And I have Eva, who is 12 and a sixth grader. So those are my kids. I stopped working when we moved to the U.S. in law. I stayed at home with my kids for many years and then started working in the professional organizing space about seven years ago. In terms of hobbies, I love to run and paint, and I have just recently started writing a book, which is a little crazy and daunting, but something I am looking forward to is the wedding that you just mentioned that's coming up in March. And so, yeah, that's taking up a lot of time and has been really exciting and fun, and being the first one, it's a little crazy to think that, you know, I have a child who’s getting married. I don’t feel old enough. But I clearly am. 

Jo Wilbur:

You don’t look old enough. Let me tell you.  

Michelle Konson:  

Well, you’re very kind Jo. But yeah, so that's really taking up a lot of time right now. But we're all very excited for that.  

Jo Wilbur: 

Good. Yeah. What a fun time with family. I love weddings. So, your book that you mentioned, is it about organization or about something else?  

Michelle Konson:  

It's not. It's largely a lot of my life story, and I wouldn't say it's directly related to organizing, but it's about me sort of being able to finally look back after having delved into my life story and done a lot of work on that. And just some of the things I've, you know, I've learned along the way and really just pointing to God's faithfulness through that journey. 

Jo Wilbur:

That sounds amazing! 

Michelle Konson:  

It's in the works, yeah. 

Jo Wilbur:

Do we have a working title yet or....? 

Michelle Konson:  

There have been many. So yeah, there's not one that I'm probably willing to nail down yet, but.... 

Jo Wilbur:

Yeah, well keep us posted. We want to read it. That's very exciting. So, when we say that word “organizing,” what exactly do we mean by that? Like, what is it that you really do through your business “Life Unburdened”?  

Michelle Konson:  

Yeah. So, I think the traditional industry of professional organizing is really someone coming in who has some know-how who can help you make some order out of a messy space. We see it all over. You know, Marie Kondo, “Real Simple Magazine,” HGTV. 

Jo Wilbur:

“The Home Edit...” 

Michelle Konson:  

Every year. Yeah. It's all over right now. And I think especially in a social media-crazed society right now, you know, the way things look is really important.  

Jo Wilbur:

Yeah.  

Michelle Konson:  

And so, you know, I think professional organizing for the most part, looks like someone coming in to make order of something that's messy, right? Coming in from the outside, coming into your mess and helping you make it look better. And I have discovered through my years in the business and the industry that it's more about what's on the inside and what's created the mess than actually just making the mess look better. Because honestly, I've been called back many times to clients where I have helped them organize a space, and this was mostly before I started my own business when I worked for another company and the repeat clients were many and you would find that they were just not able to keep up the space.  

Jo Wilbur:

Right.  

Michelle Konson:  

And so that's really what motivated me to look at all further than just helping people make their spaces look better and really going to what makes them work better and why were they not working in the first place.  

Jo Wilbur:

What's the root of the issue there?  

Michelle Konson:  

Correct. And so, one of my big things is “inside out” and not “outside in.” And, you know, it was hard for me because I didn't want to just be professional organizing because I don't think that's accurate. And so, lifestyle mentoring was more what I came up with, because if you start really speaking with people and figuring out, well, why does this look this way. Why are you living in this space that clearly is making you unhappy? That's clearly, you know, draining you? That's clearly a burden. You know, once you start digging in, it's well, because of, you know, time issues, because of relational issues, because of heart issues, because of so many reasons. But until you deal with those, you can't actually effectively, I think, deal with the stuff, which is really just an outworking of what's going on inside.  

Jo Wilbur:

Right. You can maybe sort of temporarily tidy things up, but kind of like what you said, make it look good or look aesthetic for the ‘gram, right?  

Michelle Konson:  

Yeah.  

Jo Wilbur:

And then if your behavior hasn't changed or if whatever the problem is hasn't changed, then the problem's not going to go away.  

Michelle Konson:  

Correct. So, it's like putting a Band-Aid on a big gaping wound. Right. It's going to keep it contained for a little while, but it's really not going to help you get better.  

Jo Wilbur:

That's so interesting. So how did you first get into that space? Like what was it that made you interested in that? I would love to hear kind of that story.  

Michelle Konson:  

Yeah. So, I feel like I've always tried to be a little organized and try to, you know, have things be ordered. And a lot of that comes from my own past, my own history, where, you know, over the years I've discovered that one of my survival strategies was control. I grew up with a family that dearly loved me, but a dad who lost his dad really early on. He was six, and then lost a first wife really early on in their marriage. My grandparents, who were both prisoners of war and forced to work in World War II, there was just so much that everyone was dealing with.  

Jo Wilbur:

Wow, yeah.  

Michelle Konson:  

...that as much as they loved me and, you know, created a loving environment, there was really not space for me in many other areas, you know, not space really for what I was going through. And again, this is all looking back. At the time, I would never have been able to name this or, you know, put a label on it. And I think my way of coping was to create some kind of order in my world. And if I was in control of my little sphere, then everything was okay. At least it felt okay. And so that's sort of how I grew up. I like things to be ordered. I felt good when they were ordered. I felt like I could cope with every day if things were ordered. So that's part of my history and I think that's probably why I was drawn to keeping things ordered. And then, you know, welcome kids, and there is not much order in kids, and you can't really contain little lives, which, you know, you're not supposed to do.  

But funny story just to show you how crazy I was in those early years: poor Chloe and all my kids, you know, they'll go through a lot of a lot of therapy, I'm sure. But, you know, I used to make her keep the Play-Doh colors separate, you know, when she was two and we packed away Play-Doh. When she was playing with Play-Doh, there was no mixing colors. You had to keep them separate because it would just make me feel so dysregulated and, you know, unordered... realizing that there appeared to be order, but there really wasn't. Right? I was trying to make my world work for me, and that wasn't working. And, you know, after many years of kids and just life, I realized that that wasn't working for me anymore. That came crashing down. That was pretty exhausting. To try and keep that up. Yeah. And that's when I started realizing, okay, what's at the root of all this? I need to start dealing with this. And as I started doing that, realized, okay, I want my life, my daily life and my home to work for me. So how can it work for me without me rigidly feeling like I need to keep order?  

Jo Wilbur:

Well, that's so interesting. It reminds me... I looked at your website and there's a quote that you have on there from you that says, “Over the years I have learned that perfection is a myth, and striving for it was a bid for control on my behalf.” So that kind of sounds like part of your story, what you're speaking to now. I don't know if you could go a little bit deeper into that particular quote, but I thought that really struck a chord with me. I thought that was really interesting.  

Michelle Konson:  

Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, like I said, it's exhausting to try and keep that up. And, you know, perfectionism is exhausting, but it comes from somewhere, right? We feel like we need to either we need to perform, we need to look good from the outside. Everyone needs to be able to see something that's put together. Otherwise, they're not going to accept us. They're not going to think we're worthy enough. We're not going to think we're worthy enough. There's just so much pressure for those of us that are perfectionists or recovering perfectionists. And it really is a bid for control, I believe. And obviously I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist. And so this is really just my observations, but I think that there are obviously many routes for that, but that is one of them.  

Jo Wilbur:

Well, it's so interesting. I'm almost... as you're speaking, I'm picturing a spectrum, right? Because you seem like you are on one end of the spectrum where you struggle with almost clinging to that control too tightly, this desire to be organized to the point where it's actually more harmful than helpful, you know, back when you were struggling with that. Me... I'm like the other end of the spectrum, to be honest, where I really struggle to keep a tidy home at all. You can ask my husband, it's horrible. He does so much of the cleaning. And just for me to even think to, you know, when I take off a sweatshirt to fold it up and put it away. No, it's going to end up on my floor or my bed. I mean, if we're having real talk right now.  

Michelle Konson:  

Yeah.  

Jo Wilbur:

So, I just wonder, I mean, how much of a role do people’s sort of natural tendencies or personalities play? Because it's easy for someone like me to hear someone like you talking and think, “Okay, so it's easy for you to be organized, but for me, it's really hard.” Is there even hope for someone like me? Can it be learned? Like that nature versus nurture piece, I guess.  

Michelle Konson:  

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And everyone is different, right? I mean, we’re all created individually, you know? We have different upbringings. We, you know, are in different environments. Everyone is different. There is no one size fits all, which is one of the things I love about my work is that I'm not going in and saying, “Okay, what part of the mold do you fit into?” There really isn't. Everyone is individual, which makes it like interesting and fun and really rewarding to work with people and to be able to meet them where they are at, you know? And having four kids, I see that all of them are very different, you know, [their] attachment to stuff. I have two children that are very sentimental and two that couldn't care less and will throw anything and everything in the trash. And I'd be like, “No, you need to keep that! That’s precious, that's valuable! So, everyone is different. And I think that a lot of it is nature versus nurture, you know, the way you grew up, of course that's important, the way you were created, that's important. But then again, the environment that you live in... you know, growing up in South Africa, that's very different to living in the U.S., which is far more stuff oriented. Like you can buy things far more cheaply for the most part here. People tend to put a lot of value and status on stuff here. Not that they don't there, but I think it's more so here.  

So there definitely is a spectrum and yes, it absolutely can be learned, but there's not one thing that needs to be learned. I think that's the point, right? It's what works for you. Like if I come into your house, I'm not going to try and bring you to a certain standard or a certain level. I'm going to be like, “Well, why are you putting that sweater on the floor instead of just quickly folding it up or even putting it on a chair or, you know, why are you doing that?” The answer could possibly be, “Well, my sweaters are pretty stuffed in my closet right now. And so, putting one more in like that's a barrier for me. Like, I don't want to do that. That just feels uncomfortable.” 

Jo Wilbur:

It's like you're looking at my closet right now.  

Michelle Konson:  

Well that’s... exactly. There's a reason for that. There is a reason for why we do these things. Right? And so, you know, if we go through your sweaters, we will likely find there are many that you don't wear anymore. Why are you not willing to get rid of those, right? We deal with, like, we just deal with one question after the other to sort of delve down into what the root is. So, you know, fast forward a little. We manage to put a few of those aside to donate and then you have some space to put that sweater away. It's going to be so much easier for you to do that, right, because it's not going to be a struggle. The reason you're not putting it away is... yes, okay, we're all lazy to some degree. We're all sinful. Yes, those things are real and sometimes, a hard day, just put it on the floor. It's really okay. There’s grace. Like you can pick it up tomorrow, but for the most part, like why are you not doing that? There’s a reason. And let's deal with that reason and then you're going to actually be motivated to put it away.  

Jo Wilbur:

But even just asking people those questions, it is almost... I know, obviously, yes, you're not a therapist, but it is almost a therapy session of “Let's get to the root of it. Why? ask yourself that question? What is the block? What is the barrier?” And it's... you're right, it's something that's not as trendy. Like you don't see it in those organizing shows where they just make the house look really good and then the job is done. They're not really getting to the heart of the issue.  

Michelle Konson:  

Right. 

Jo Wilbur:

So that's definitely something that seems very distinct about what you do. 

Michelle Konson:  

Correct. Yep. Yep. And yeah, that's where I've really found joy. I mean, it really, honestly, I cannot tell you the joy of going into people's houses and making a real difference.  

Jo Wilbur:

Yeah.  

Michelle Konson:  

Not just making it look good. And they're like, “oh, it looks so good,’ but like getting the text like a couple of weeks later to say, “I had a doctor's appointment and my blood pressure was so much lower,” 

Jo Wilbur:

Wow. 

Michelle Konson:  

Like, you know, to make a real difference. And I'm so glad. Like, that's the whole point, right? What are we doing? We're not like... what are we doing if we're just trying to make things look pretty? Nothing.  

Jo Wilbur:

Yeah.  

Michelle Konson:  

Right? I mean, the value there is very minimal. But if we’re changing the way people live their lives, and if we're making space.... So, by you putting your sweater back, you then have time that weekend to not pick up all your clothes off the floor.  

Jo Wilbur  

Right.  

Michelle Konson:  

So, you're making space for the things that really matter to you and the things that you're really excited about. For me, it's creating space for intentional living because then you actually get to make space for the stuff that really matters.  

Jo Wilbur:

And is that what you mean by that term, “unburdened”? I mean, your company is called “Life Unburdened,” and you use that term a lot, this idea of being burdened and being unburdened. And I think that's so interesting because you're right. I think here in the States there is this just cultural materialism that permeates everything, whether we realize it or not, right? And so, when you say burden, it's interesting because I don't often think of like my stuff or my mess burdening me, but how does that burden us? Or perhaps, what is it that's really burdening us?  

Michelle Konson:  

I don't think we realize just the mental and emotional toll of our stuff. And even if it's apparently organized or if it's all on shelves... like every time you walk into that room, it's there. And we train ourselves so well, you know? We're very clever. God created us very, very complex beings. We're able to do things really well, but sometimes subconsciously, every time you walk into a room that's got stuffed shelves or that's got a pile that you need to deal with, you may not think you're thinking about it, but you really are like, “It's there.” You walk in and you know it. Like if you had to sit down and really be like, “Oh, why do I feel so bad today, like, I just am tired, I'm irritable, I'm annoyed...” you know? Sometimes you can snap at the kids just because there's so much to do just by looking around and being in a space that's just so overwhelming. So, I don't think we really realize it or we're just not willing to acknowledge it.  

So, you know, I think that's where that came from. It’s me starting to really realize, “Wow, this is really taking a toll on me without me even realizing it for the most part consciously.” And it's not like this big pile on my kitchen counter that I need to deal with right now, like those I can do. It's the stuff that we put aside, the stuff that we pile, the stuff that we're not willing to deal with, the stuff that's been there for years. It's those kind of things that really do burden us emotionally and physically. And I really do, I think they impact our health. I think they impact our relationships because, you know, we're constantly cranky, we're constantly annoyed, we're constantly irritated. It's just all the stuff to do, and we never get to the bottom of that to-do list, right? It's like every vacation we have this inside: “I am going to finally deal with this.” Do we do it? No. Because it's so overwhelming, right? Because we're trying, we're trying to do something that we don't know how to do. Otherwise, we would have done it.  

Jo Wilbur:

Right.  

Michelle Konson:  

Right? And we don't know how to do it because we're trying to do it the wrong way, because we're trying to be like, “Okay, I have to find space for this stuff,” or “I have to get the right bins,” or “I have to have the right system,” when instead it’s sit down and be like, “Okay, why is this here? Why do I not want to go through this? Do I really need this? What is the serve? Is there a creative way I can deal with this? Is there someone I could give it away to? Can I use that room that's never used in my house, that's sitting as a formal living room that literally no one ever goes into? It’s gathering dust. Can I use that more creatively?”  

In our family, we never use that formal living room. Maybe this is a good thing. In South Africa, we never had them. So, I'm like, I don't need one of those, you know? No one goes in there. And so, in our house, like, that's where the piano is. That's where there's a table for homework and for games. That's where there are closets with all those craft supplies that, you know, a mom never knows where to put. And it's the most lived in room in our house. The kids sit on those chairs, they read, the dogs congregate there, you know, like life happens in that room. But if we didn't have that room, I don't know where all of that stuff would be. You know, some of that stuff is useful. It's the games and the craft stuff, and I don't know where that life would be happening. And so, I think it's because we haven't figured out, you know, “How do I deal with this? Like, what do I actually do with this? Like, how do I... how do I get to the bottom of this? How do I drill down?” We're not doing that. And that's why that stuff's there. That's what's weighing on us. That's why we feel burdened and we just don't have the space and the permission to do the things we really want to do.  

Jo Wilbur:

Right. Well, that's so well-put, and I think you're right. There's so much stuff that it's like we just don't deal with, we don't want to deal with. You know, we see that big pile of laundry and it's like, “I can't even... it's overwhelming to look at how big the pile has gotten.” And I mean, just think about... embarrassing real life example that actually was just not that long ago. Earlier last year, my husband and I, you know, we have two bedrooms in our home. So, one is our actual bedroom, one is like a guest bedroom, and there happens to be a bed in there. It's mostly his office. And we... I had taken the sheets off the bed in our bedroom to wash them, and while that was happening, I dumped all the clean clothes onto the bed. Well, now there's two problems to get in bed. I have to fold and put away all this laundry, and then I have to take the bed sheets out of the dryer and make the bed, and then we can crawl in. And so, what did we do? We slept in the guest room for two weeks. You know? Because I couldn't get, I couldn't mentally get myself to do it. It's like I was just... I would close the door. It doesn't exist. We have this other bed, you know, which is so embarrassing, though. We're the only people who live in our house. Why would we be sleeping in the guest bedroom? It's ridiculous.  

But I also think that's it's such an interesting picture to me, too, of – and I wonder, you know, as a Christian woman as well if you could speak to this – but I think it almost is a picture of in our spiritual lives. There's so much baggage we don't want to deal with and it is so easy to ignore. And it's amazing the lengths we'll go through to ignore it. Do you make those connections as you're seeing this with your eyes, doing this to people's homes and in their lives? Does that emotional, spiritual stuff come up as well?  

Michelle Konson:  

Yeah, absolutely. I'll backtrack a little to something you said before, when you spoke about how embarrassing it was.  

Jo Wilbur:

It is. 

Michelle Konson:  

Right. And I think that's a huge barrier because there is so much shame and guilt over the way we deal with that stuff and the way our stuff sort of manifests how we live.  

Jo Wilbur:

I think, especially as women, right? 

Michelle Konson:  

Right. And again, social media, magazines, everything is supposed to look picture perfect, you know? Joanna Gaines’ house like it looks it looks great. And so, if ours is not looking great, there's something wrong with us, right? And so, it's... that guilt and shame has a huge, huge barrier. And I will say I'm truly honored when people do call me into those spaces. They really are sacred spaces because they're basically saying, “I can't do this anymore. I don't have it all together. I need help.”  

Jo Wilbur:

Wow, yeah.  

Michelle Konson:  

That's a very sacred space that we all have, whether we're willing to admit it or not, in different shapes or forms. We all have those spaces in our lives, and being able to finally admit “I need help here” is huge.  

But also, I'd say one really, really big barrier is the guilt and the shame. And that's often what keeps us from starting, right? Because it's “What's wrong with me? Why can't I do this? Everyone else does this. Like what is fundamentally wrong with me? I can't let anyone else see this because then they will know and they will desert me and they won't like me and they won't love me.” And that is not true. That's such a lie from Satan. And once we start recognizing, acknowledging that, saying, “No,” you know, “There is nothing wrong with me. I am a child of God, I am loved, I'm redeemed, I'm forgiven. There is nothing wrong with me. Lord, please help me deal with the stuff and the way this stuff is, like, you know, creating mess and dysfunction around me. Help me”. But there is... no, there's nothing wrong with you. But Satan would love for you to believe that there is. And I think that's a huge barrier. Right? So, you're feeling the even in a lighthearted sense, for two weeks you were kind of embarrassed. But, you know, just imagine how big that is for people who've had decades of, you know, boxes in their homes not being able to deal with anything.  

Yeah, I had a client who was a very high-powered executive for many years. Her husband raised their kids at home. She was gone, you know, every day, long hours. When she finally retired in her 70s, she brought all her work boxes home into her bedroom. She and her husband had separate bedrooms. The boxes were stacked to the ceiling in her bedroom, and she lived like that for probably ten years.  

Jo Wilbur:

Oh, my goodness.  

Michelle Konson:  

...with like, just a little pathway to her bed through all these boxes. And she had no way... she didn't know what to do with it. This was her life, right? This was what was important to her. This was what showed her value and her worth to her. She had no idea what to do with that. And the guilt and the shame that I know came from her family, you know, because she shared a lot of that. And I saw some of that when I was there working with her, but also for herself, like, how can I live like this? “Why can't I go through this? Why can't I deal with this? Like, what's wrong with me?” And when we finally started going through it, it was really hard. 

I'm not saying any of this is easy, right? You know, if it was easy, we'd kind of figure it out, but once we just started going through it and she, you know, she's like, “I can't get rid of that, no, no, no, no... Actually, maybe. I guess I don't need that. No, I don't”. And it just, you know, that process... And at the end, she was... it was like a total new person.  

But again, she had to get through years and years of, you know, the guilt and the shame to finally reach out and say, “I cannot live like this anymore. I need to do something.” So that's the whole thing on guilt and shame. It's a huge barrier, and Satan would love for us to stay stuck in those areas. But I really encourage people not to be like, there is nothing wrong with you because you can't deal with stuff and there is nothing wrong with you because you have a real heart issue that's manifesting in the way your stuff looks like there is nothing wrong with you.  

Jo Wilbur:

Thank you for that, wow, I feel very encouraged by that.  

Michelle Konson:  

Well good. I'm glad. And then, you know, you spoke about the spiritual connection. I think there are so many, again, so many different people, so many different life views. I think there is fear often, especially people who grew up with very little and are now able to afford more. There is fear of not having enough, and so, you've got to kind of hold on to what you have. So, placing a lot of value and worth in stuff. And again, as Christians, obviously our value and our worth is in Christ. But again, that's a very hard equation to make work when you grow up with so little and it was hard. So, people really struggle with stuff. There are lots of people who hold on for sentimental reasons. Again, there's sometimes guilt or shame in loss and people feel like, “Well, I can’t make that relationship work. That person's gone now. I'm going to hold onto the stuff and I'm going to try and appease my wounds and my hurt that way”.  

Jo Wilbur:

Wow. 

Michelle Konson:  

There are idols and that's big for all of us. And I just want to say, I should've said this at the beginning, like I've in no way, shape, or form perfected any of this. I am just like everyone else. Broken, sinner, working through all of this. And so, you know, my house is also very messy. There are problem areas in my own house. So, I just want to make sure that people know that. But yeah, I think we all have idols. We all want to look good to other people. We all have that thing that we long for and desire far more than we long for and desire God like, “Oh, if I could just get that then I'd be good”. And, and many times there are good things. We're just putting them in the wrong place in our hearts. So, there is that. And again, failure, really feeling like a failure in life and trying to bolster that with stuff and the way we look to other people and trying to, you know, bolster self confidence and value and worth. I think the spiritual, you know, ties are huge and we could talk for hours about those. But I think those are some of them that I've seen.  

Jo Wilbur:

So, that's so inspiring to hear all of that. And even the examples that you're giving of people who have become so much less burdened through that process. For listeners who are hearing this and feeling inspired like I am, how do we start? Like, what are some practical, maybe your number one, or top three tips for even just getting started with this? What are the first steps? 

Michelle Konson:  

That's a great question, Jo, in terms of how to get started. It's really hard. You know, beginning of a new year, you're looking at lots of people's resolutions, right? And just like people have resolutions on health and exercise and want to look like the latest, you know, Vogue model on the cover of the magazine. And then you start working out for a few days, a few weeks, and you're not looking like that and you give up, right? But it's not realistic, right? I mean, you're not going to look like that probably ever because it's Photoshopped. And, you know, very few people have those genes.  

But you need to be a healthy and fit version of you and not of that person and not try and be someone else. And I think that's one of the biggest barriers to getting started, is, “Okay, I'm going to have this goal that's unattainable, and I'm going to try really hard, and I'm not going to get anywhere and then I'm going to give up,” right? And so, it's really recognizing right from the start, like “What are my goals, right? How attainable are they?” So, a big piece of advice is to start small and be consistent. And if you do exercise every day or if you do exercise three times a week, if you even go for a walk three times a week, it's going to make a difference over time, right? But you've just got to start somewhere and you've got to keep it up. So, I would say, start small, and start with a small area, because if you start with a big one, you're going to be discouraged and overwhelmed right away and give up.  

Jo Wilbur:

You can't do everything all at once. 

Michelle Konson:  

Correct. So, really start small. And honestly, you know, you could start small with like a junk drawer. You know, these are common tips that you'll find in literature from professional organizers, but more so than that, I feel like I would start and say, “Okay, what do I want this space to look like?” Like, really just start like, don't start with the practical, which is so tempting because you want it to just look better, like now, you know, yesterday. And so, you really just want to get there and feel good and then move on. But again, that's not going to work because that's from the outside in, not the inside out. And so really start “What do I want the space to look like?” But also, “How do I want it to operate? Like, what works for my family and I?” Start today, just start small. Start today. 

Just get that mail and start going through it. Don't get a tub that's going to sit on your counter, that's going to collect mail because it's just going to collect mail that's not helping you function well, which is our whole goal, right? So, start small. Start thinking, “How can I make that pile disappear? How can I not have that pile? Okay, I can start going through my mail.” 

What else? Everyone dumps everything on the kitchen counter. I really... my goal is to have clean counters just so when I walk into the kitchen and I want to create a meal, I'm not feeling so stressed. So, you know, start small, talk to everybody that's at dinner, say “Hey, can you... coat, shoes, straight to the mudroom, please, or straight to your room, straight where they belong right when you walk in,” and, you know, just start slowly trying to enforce that.  

Everyone dumps papers from school? Okay, let's start going through those. Don’t go through the six-month backlog. Start going through those. Toss, toss, toss, toss. I'm going to keep this one.  

And you know, one thing... I'll do a quick aside on kids’ papers for moms, parents, that's a huge area. You have so many papers come home. But I suggest keeping just clear, small tubs for each kid for each year. Put the lids underneath, put them at like... in some inconspicuous place, like in a linen closet and, you know, toss out that 75 percent. That 25 percent that's left, some of it’s artwork, you know, it's stuff that you like. This could be really valuable. I may want to frame this. But put it in those tubs. And then every summer I go through them for each kid. And when you have all of that stuff together, so you have all of fifth-grade stuff together, I'm able to compare it to, you know, the rest of the stuff and able to say, “You know what? No, that's not, I don't actually want to keep that. That's not that important.” But it's hard in the moment to make that decision because you don't know what the rest of the stuff's going to look like. And decision fatigue is real and it's huge. And if you're having to make it every day, you're going to start to pile on. I need to go through that to figure out what I'm going to keep from what I'm not going to keep.  

Jo Wilbur:

Right. 

Michelle Konson:  

And that's where you start keeping piles again, because you don't know where things go. So, you know, just give yourself the freedom, toss 75 percent and then keep that 25 percent. The stuff that you really feel attached to, you may want to keep, and all you're doing is tossing it in a bin every day. Three-hundred and sixty-four days a year, you're tossing it in a bin. You're taking away decisions on those 364 days. One day you sit down, in the summer. You go through and you whittle it down to maybe 20 pieces of paper. And that's what you keep for that kid for that year. I've now done that with all four of my kids, and it's really helpful and really useful. So that's helpful on that front. So, start small. What's your goal? What do you want the space to look like? How does your family function? Is this realistic? Is it realistic to ask my kids to go put stuff somewhere that doesn't exist? Like, get the stuff off the counter? I don't know where it's going to go. You figure that out. That's not helpful, right?  

Jo Wilbur:

It’ll end up on the floor of their rooms, just so you guys know. 

Michelle Konson:  

Right. Exactly. Or in another room or... you know, if there's nowhere for something to go. So, some sort of tips. Everything has to have a place. And it's going back to the sweaters that we spoke about earlier, right? That sweater that's on the floor doesn't have a place on that shelf, which is why it's got nowhere to go and why it's going on the floor, right? 

Everything needs a place. And that does mean whittling down your stuff, because for the most part, we have too much stuff, which means there isn't enough space for the stuff that we have, right? And that does mean maybe on a Saturday you're going to sit down, you're going to put on a favorite podcast, you're going to put on music, you're going to bring the sweaters to the living room to watch TV, watch your favorite show, and go through your sweaters, go through your socks. Sort through them, bring those craft supplies. Sit down. Try and do it with something that's not as unpleasurable. You know, try and do it with something that's going to really motivate you.  

Jo Wilbur:

Make it a fun activity.  

Michelle Konson:  

Exactly. Get on. Get on the phone with a friend, FaceTime a friend and have you both go through stuff and talk. And as you're going through it, just try and make it easier. Recognizing this is something that's not that easy. Otherwise, you would have done it. Try to give yourself incentives and ways for you to make that a little bit easier.  

So, yeah, a place for everything. Everything in its place is huge. Recognize if there is no place for something that's a problem and deal with that.  

During COVID, I was sort of practicing what I was preaching, but I was like, “This is my one opportunity. I have like two weeks...” right in the beginning where we only thought we had two weeks. I was just really buckling down and I had kept magazine articles from when Chloe was a baby, right? So, yeah, 20 years old. I had piles and piles of these articles. These are not even just magazines. These are things that I had actually picked out and torn out. They were supposedly valuable to me. I had never looked at them and I was like, “That's it. I've never looked at these.” They were a burden to me in the sense that I've got to find time to go through those. I've got to mine through all of that and find what's really valuable, and I've got to then start implementing what's in them that's really valuable for me to be more valuable and for my life to work better. That was the burden that was there for 20 years. We’d moved multiple times. I'd move those with us multiple times and eventually was like, “No, that’s enough,” and I just literally put them in the trash. I realized that’s not valuable. That’s actually a burden to me. So, you've got to make those kind of hard decisions. You know, nothing's going to change without you really making a change. Come up with creative solutions that work for you, right? During COVID, I had a good friend who, their garage, they moved their cars out and they kitted it out with a ping pong table so that neighborhood boys could come and play. 

Jo Wilbur:

Wow. 

Michelle Konson:  

...because that's what worked for them, you know? Repurpose. Don't be afraid of repurposing. You don't have to do something because everyone else is doing it, you know? You don't have to have that formal living room. You know, we got rid of our linen closet and put our washer-dryer in there because I wanted it on the top floor, because that worked for me. It didn't work for me to go up and down the stairs. I knew that would add tons of barriers and the laundry would, you know, sit where, you know, what I made into a mudroom. That's why we also moved them up. Like, I knew what I needed. I needed a mudroom because we needed a place to catch everything. And I needed a washer-dryer on my top floor. And so, I bought a chest of drawers and that's where my sheets are.  

Be creative. Like, think out the box. You don't have to do things the way everyone's doing them. Make it work for you. Start small, make it as pleasant as you can, and really think about how do you want this space to work and how does it work with your life? Not how can you make it as pretty as possible. How can you make it work for you?  

Jo Wilbur:

Right. Well, those are all such good practical tips and they do all seem to stem back to that very same root of, “Let me be honest about myself, the way that I live, what's going to work for me, and looking at my actual behaviors, what do I do right and how can I make the space work for that?” Or “How can I create a space that's conducive to changing those behaviors?” Right? If there's a place for that sweater, then maybe I won't just throw it on the floor. So, with all those tips, that definitely seems to be the root. So that is a really helpful way to think about it for sure.  

You know, a few questions ago when you were talking about sort of going through these old magazine articles that you had cut out from like 20 years ago, it actually made me think of the state of my phone and how many articles and things that I've taken screenshots of because I'm like, “Oh, I'm going to go back to that later. I'm going to use that later.” And I take so many screenshots. I don't know if anybody else can relate, if other people do that, but I never look at those screenshots ever again. And then, next thing I know, it's like “Phone is full, can’t take any more pictures,” and I'm like, “What? Why?” So, I don't know if any of what you do, like in this digital age, can be applied to your inbox or your, you know, storage on your phone or your computer because that's an area where I really struggle. And so, I wonder, do you ever deal with things like that or do you have... do those same principles translate to a digital space?  

Michelle Konson:  

I think they do. You know, you saying that I'm like, guilty. That's me, too. And I think digital space is hard because it's not visual in the sense of it's not in our daily space.  

Jo Wilbur:

The pile isn't there on the floor reminding you.  

Michelle Konson:  

Correct. But then we do get that reminder and it is a burden on “it’s full.” What are you going to delete? It's full. You have no space. So, I think it's the exact same principles. I think for me, I'm not working in that digital space, and I am struggling in that digital space too. And so, I think it's a lot of the same principles. I mean, I did recently just do a complete cull of like a ton of documents on my computer because it was getting full.  

Jo Wilbur:

Good for you. I need to do that.  

Michelle Konson:  

And so, and you do, you just need to sit down and you are going to make mistakes. So let me say that you are going to give away an item that you're going to wish you hadn't given away next year. You’re going to be like. “Where is that shirt? Like, what did I…” you know, you are going to make mistakes, and it's okay. Extend yourself some grace there. Like, it's okay. You're going to make mistakes. I did delete some documents that I'm like, “Hm, probably shouldn't have deleted those.” I mean, they weren't life shatteringly...  

Jo Wilbur:

Life goes on, you know? 

Michelle Konson:  

Exactly. I'm not going to I'm not going to like, die because I deleted that document. I'm going to regret a little bit. But, you know, I also got rid of like hundreds of other ones that I'm really grateful for. So, you are going to make mistakes. So just let me put that out there and that's okay. And don't let that stop you again. Life goes on. You're not going to miss it that much, that you're going to be crippled and going forward. But I think it's exact same principle like, am I going to use this again? Is this useful to me? Is this helping me live a full intentional life, or is it actually just weighing me down and all the things I feel like I have to go back to and read? So, I really, I think it is the same. I think it is probably, you know, the real problem we're going to be dealing with, you know, in the next... in the coming years. We're already dealing with it. You know, how do we deal with digital clutter? Again, things... the principles are the same, but it's a little harder because it all seems sort of more intellectual.  

Jo Wilbur:

Not as tangible.  

Michelle Konson:  

Well, it's not. It's not as tangible. It’s not like, “Oh, I'm not going to wear that sweater again. I don't like it that much.” It's “Well, I feel like I have real value on there and that could help me live better,” or “That could help me do something better.” Like it, it feels more important. And so, I think it seems a little harder. And photo storage is hard too.  

Jo Wilbur:

And it’s that guilt too. Like, I can't delete that adorable photo of my niece! Like, what am I, a monster? So, I think that’s part of it too.  

Michelle Konson:  

I have like these ten photos, and I don't know which one is the best post and, you know, just delete eight, and it'll be okay. So, that is a hard one. But I do, I do think the same principles apply. And I do think that, you know, God would not want us to live weighed down by that because that is not what's ultimately important. You know, I think looking at our lives, what is ultimately important to his purpose and his calling in our lives and living intentionally with our gifts and talents? Some of those things may relate to that. Most of them don't.  

Jo Wilbur:

Yeah. I think it all goes back to that too. I mean, you know, scripture says “no man can serve two masters.” So, it ultimately... I mean, the ultimate question is like, “Am I making idol of my stuff? Am I serving my stuff, or is it serving me? And if it’s not serving me, why do I have it, right? It’s just stuff.” 

Michelle Konson:  

Correct.  

Jo Wilbur:

It doesn't make me who I am. It doesn't say anything about my value. That all comes from the Lord.  

Michelle Konson:  

Absolutely. You know, but then you've got to contend with society and culture. And they are screaming the exact opposite, right? And so, I think it really takes being in the Word to actually remember what's true and to remind ourselves of what's true. Because if we're not doing that, we're really just going to hear what society's screaming at us.  

Jo Wilbur:

We're fighting a losing battle if we do that.  

Michelle Konson:  

Yeah, yeah. The voices are so loud that they drown out the whispers.  

Jo Wilbur:

Absolutely.  

Jo Wilbur:

Well, Michelle, we cannot thank you enough for taking time out of your day and your busy life to come here and talk with us and share with us some of your wisdom. It has really blessed me. I am very inspired to go home and make some changes. My husband will be very happy. And yeah, just thank you so much. And if anyone is interested in reaching out and getting that professional help, we will leave Michel's contact information and the information of her business in our show notes, so make sure you check that out. But thank you so much, Michelle.  

Michelle Konson  

Yeah, thank you, Jo. It's been real fun and I'm glad to be helpful in any way if I was. Thank you.  

Outro: 

Thanks for joining us for this episode of “Mind and Heart,” a podcast by Trinity Christian School. If you enjoyed this conversation, leave us a five-star review, and share this episode with a friend. It helps us so much. For more information, visit us at www.tcsfairfax.org. 

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